Introspection
Posted on Sat Oct 25th, 2025 @ 7:10pm by 1st Lieutenant Marjani Smith
Edited on on Sun Oct 26th, 2025 @ 12:18am
1,161 words; about a 6 minute read
Mission:
Carthage Rises
Location: Somewhere on the Carthage
Timeline: MD002 1700 hrs
She sat in her bunk, her back against the wall, her legs stretched out. Marjani was feeling restless. She had been dismissed by the Captain from the bridge, having another pilot continue the chase after the elusive ship. She would rather had been on the bridge continuing the chase.
With a slight huff, Marjani pulled out her PADD to look to see if she had gotten any messages from anyone. There was none, not at this time. Connor had been whisked away on some mission that she didn't know anything about.
Connor--she drew in a breath as she thought of him. She knew a little bit of who he was, there still were other details she didn't know. One thing that just occurred to her, was when was his birthday, and just what was his age? She had that niggling thought in the back of her mine. He seemed mature at times, other times he seemed much younger than she was.
She did have access to the manifest of the USS Pioneer, so she pulled it up, and scrolled to what information she could get. She swung her legs over the edge of her bunk, just staring at the screen of the PADD. She closed her eyes, shaking her head at herself for not checking.
Sure he was old enough but--Connor was eight years younger than she was. Marjani now was feeling like she was robbing the cradle. He was just starting out in his life she though, had a few years under her belt. Fights; both in space and on the ground. Escort service for ships needing protection from pirates.
She had lost comrades, suffered injuries. Connor--what sort of life experience has he experienced? When it comes to a relationship, there had to be some common interests, more than what sort of game they may like or even movies. He did help her become more self assured where it came to relationships.
Now though, Marjani just didn't feel that things were going to go any further than what it was already has. She was changing but how long would it take for him to do any changing to blossom out into something more. If he wanted to do any changes. She didn't want to have to push him into things. Having to always push someone into doing some change, it becomes taxing to the soul.
She reached over to pick up her voodoo doll which gave her the call sign, Voodoo, besides her being from New Orleans. She straightened out the hair of the doll, and adjusted the clothing.
"What shall I do? I don't wish to break his heart but, perhaps the sting won't be too bad for him. Not certain, I hate this." she tucked the doll back under her pillow after giving it a kiss. It reminded her of her mother.
A beep was heard on her PADD and Marjani opened up the message, it was a request, and it was from Pappy.
The grizzled grey haired man his hair cut short, gave a smile to Marjani when her features came into view.
"Hey there Voodoo how are things? Haven't heard from ya in a bit." picking up a glass of whisky and taking a sip.
"I've been a bit busy, sorry I've not contacted you. I got into a relationship, and you know that tends to well.. take up time." Marjani blushing.
Pappy nodded. "And how is that going?"
"Well-I am not certain. I'm coming to the realization that the relationship may not be one for me. I got caught up in it but now, I feel that it is becoming something I don't desire to continue. I just didn't see it until now."
"Caught up in someone's charm, something about him just sparked your interest but now something has come to light that is hitting you right between the eyes eh?" Pappy looking at Marjani with a knowing gaze.
"Yup just jumped right in there both feet without looking around and checking facts. I do like the man and I care for him, just not enough for things to progress any further. I love to cook, I love spicy food and he doesn't. I don't think he knows how to cook."
Marjani having the cold hard slap of reality confronting her.
"I can't and wouldn't be able to talk to him about food that I love to create. He isn't one for going outdoors. He did once for me but he wasn't too happy about it, but he did it for me." Marjani moved to where she was stretched out on the bunk, back once more against the wall.
"Have you spoken to your mom about this?" Pappy was rather curious about this fact.
"Uh well, no I've not spoken to her about Connor. My aunt met him and I've not spoken to her since we met up. I don't know if she said something to my mom. Hmmnn that could be considered a red flag as to my not wanting to say anything about my current relationship."
Pappy nodded, "Looks like you've got some thinking to do, I'll leave you be, oh and make certain you get in touch with your squad. They've been asking about you. Asking if I've heard anything from you."
Marjani gave out a slight sigh, her brow furrowing. "Yes I do need to do that. I'll make certain to contact them very soon. Thanks Pappy for contacting me and listening as well."
"Marjani just do what will be good for you and your happiness. If it isn't working then its time to move on. Any idea where you'll go?" Pappy asked.
"I have no idea, right now I am on a ship as their helmsman. I will see if it is the right fit for me. I am still searching for a place to call home. Some day I will find it the Rainbow Connection--" she stopped there and gave a smile.
Pappy just laughed. "I get it I got it.. Make certain you keep in touch, and get in contact with your team. Got it?"
The last part, Pappy gave her a rather commanding look.
"Yes Pappy. I will do so." Marjani nodding. "See you later."
The screen going dark, Marjani sighed heavily, placing her PADD down upon the top of her mattress. She had something that she was going to have to do, and that was to hurt someone. Connor.
She'll do it in person though, not over a viewscreen, not with a text, no ghosting. It would be face to face. He'll wonder why, and what would she tell him? Though, Marjani didn't think he'll want an extended explanation. This though will not be due to her having a fear of commitment, it was more that it didn't feel right. Not anymore.
A Post By
First Lieutenant Marjani Smith
Pilot
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