Following Up
Posted on Fri Mar 28th, 2025 @ 3:04pm by Lieutenant Junior Grade Rachel Sinclair & Lieutenant Vura
Edited on on Fri Mar 28th, 2025 @ 6:35pm
3,410 words; about a 17 minute read
Mission:
Episode 16 - Silent Cries
Location: Counselor's Office - Deck 5 - USS Pioneer
Timeline: MD005 1300 hrs
There were many ways not to think about Edmund. One of them was to throw yourself into your work. Looking over her manifest, she looked over a number of crewmembers, wondering who she could follow up with and assist.
Her finger glided across the PADD. "No," she silently told herself as she looked at an ensign's profile. She scrolled further and further until he reached the manifest of Lieutenant Rachel Sinclair. "Well, she looks interesting. I don't believe that I've ever met her...."
Vura delved deeper into Rachel's profile, completely absorbed by her history. "I have to meet her," she announced to her empty room. With that, she called out, =^= Lieutenant Rachel Sinclair, please report to Counseling. This is Counselor Vura. I will be waiting for you. =^=
Hearing the summons over the ship's intercom, Rachel felt a mix of confusion and fear. What did the chief counsellor want with her? Did this have something to do with her recent promotion? Well Rachel figured there was only one way to find out for sure. Tapping her combadge, she responded, “on my way now Counselor.”
It didn’t take her long to get to the Counselor's office. The last time she was here, she was seeking advice about her father and although it was a productive conversation, she still felt extremely nervous as she tapped the door chime.
Vura stood up and walked towards the entrance as she called out, "Come in."
When Rachel did enter, Vura practically attached herself to a wall and then outstretched her arm so that Rachel could get by her and see the full room.
At the entrance of Vura's office, there were placed some blooming lavender plants, which gave off a pleasant soothing smell. On a wall, over a couch, she had put up a copy of Katsushika Hokusai's "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife" above a periwinkle couch that swooped up and then down in the middle and then back up again. The couch had definite sensual innuendos written all over the convenient shaping.
The walls of her office were of a deep rose with hints of purple hues. From there, she opted only for a small desk, so the desk would not set a barrier between her and her clients. It was a semi-circle and she placed it carefully in such a way where she could swivel on a chair and quickly type something on a computer or PADD and not interfere with her relationship with her client. The color of the desk nearly blended into the wall but was more mauve on closer inspection.
Warm wooded mahogany chairs were available in case her clients did not prefer to be on the couch. There was a small glass circle table between the chairs. The table contained a small zen sand garden and rake for clients to manipulate.
Vura watched Rachel with baited breath. It always was informative to see clients' first reactions to her office.
Looking around, Rachel was amazed. “Oh wow, you’ve really changed this room. That’s must have been a lot of effort,” she said as she took in everything. This wasn’t how a Starfleet Office was supposed to look like. Normally they were bland and grey with the only colour changes being the carpet, but this was something else. Rachel was left speechless.
Vura softly giggled, hoping that Rachel did not hear it. "Do you like it?" the counselor asked with a cooing tone. "I think every office should have a personal touch. But please, please do come in. Make yourself comfortable."
Taking the offer, Rachel stepped inside as she looked around at the room, "Not sure I'd say I like it, but I'm more of a blues and greens person," she said, turning her attention to Vura, "So, is there something I can do for you Ma'am?"
"Blues and greens?" Vura's voice hummed thoughtfully as she said that. "Interesting.... Well, please, please! Make yourself comfortable and do, please do call me Vura. I'm a counselor and I do not like to stand on rank. I would much rather that you be comfortable and since I've never met you before, we should definitely get to know each other more casually. Rank gets in the way of that."
“Um, ok then” Rachel said, feeling a little confused and nervous. Quickly finding a seat to take, she looked back to Vura, “where would you like to start? I assume you’ve read over my last counselling session.”
"Not really," Vura admitted. "I only read enough to know that I had not met you. Besides, if I were to read over someone else's notes, I would be reading what someone else perceived and that would give me a bias. I would rather learn everything from you directly, if you do not mind," Vura explained with a warm smile in her voice.
Rachel shifted in her chair nervously. “Um sure, I suppose that makes sense, um, where would you like me to begin?” she asked with a slight tremble in her voice. She’d hoped that Vura would’ve read over the previous counsellor's report so she didn’t have to go over her history again. A history she’d done her best to forgot, even though it kept popping back up from time to time.
Vura settled into the chair next to Rachel, slowly crossed her legs, and then smiled warmly. "The beginning is always a good place to start. That way I don't have to fill in blanks later or jump back and forth. We might miss something." She leaned in and cheerfully continued, "Besides, I can see this weighs on you. So, let's see how we can help with it."
Taking a deep breath in, Rachel bit her lip for a moment before beginning, "um....ok. Well, I have no solid memories of my childhood. I was kidnapped by Orion Slavers when I was young and sold to an Orion master. I was used as a servant, cleaning kitchens, bathing him, that sort of thing," she said, trying to sound as non-caring as she could, though the occasional catch in her throat betrayed her true feelings of fear and disgust, "I was saved by an undercover Starfleet Officer, who took me in and adopted me."
"Oh, my! What an unfortunate childhood and a great rescue story. Were you treated poorly by the Orions? How long were you there? How old were you when you were rescued?" Vura leaned in interested, wondering how much of this Rachel remembered and how it might still be affecting her.
Rachel paused for a moment before giving a shrug, "I'm not sure how long I was held for; but I was about 13 when my adoptive father rescued me. From what we could find from the Federation's missing person's files, I was listed as missing from my home colony about 7 years previously," she said as she stared at the floor, her face going blank.
"So, they were able to find records of your birthdate and real name, then, right?" she asked concerned. "And what of your parents?"
Rachel shook her head, "No, we didn't find any birth records. The match was to a missing person from what we learned later was my home colony. Most of the other records were corrupted from the attack. It wasn't until a few months ago when my biological father contacted the ship through our intelligence officer that I even knew they were alive."
Vura put her hand to her mouth. "Oh, my goodness! That's quite something.... To have your entire history be wiped." There was a lot to unpack here. She had to tread somewhat carefully because she could see Rachel's attitude had started to become depressed. "What was it like meeting our biological father after so many years not knowing if either of your parents were alive or dead?"
Rachel blinked, trying to keep herself from tearing up. Having to go back over everything, even if it was only covering the basics, was stirring up more than a few emotions Rachel would've rather kept buried. Swallowing in an effort to clear her throat, Rachel continued, "I haven't had the chance to meet them in person yet. It was only a subspace call and I only saw my father. I felt....a lot of things. surprise, shock, uncertainty, anger....hate...." she said as a few tears managed to escape her eyes.
"I see," Vura said softly. She pulled out a box of tissues from her desk and offered them to Rachel. "All of those emotions are quite natural and are perfectly acceptable to have. Did you arrange a time to meet them in person, or are you not ready for that yet?"
Taking the tissue box, Rachel shook her head in response, "No, I haven't been in contact with them since. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate for me to contact someone in the Romulan Republic without some sort of diplomatic clearance," she said, wiping away a few of her tears. "And I'm not sure if talking with them will help. I mean, it's been so long. What if I don't get along with them. what if I don't feel any connection to them....What if they hate me?" she said, starting to rock back and forward a little as her mind started to spiral with all these questions.
"Why are you focused on the negative possibilities, Rachel? What if talking with them WOULD help? What if you do get along? What if you do have a connection with them? What if they love you and are thrilled to be with you again?" Vura paused to let those questions set in. "Remember, the Federation assisted the Romulans and we're no longer on poor terms. Contacting them should not be much of an issue, but if you want to know, we can check on that issue together, if it will help."
Rachel looked up at Vera in surprise, "Oh no, I don't want to be a bother. I'm sure you have better things to do then try and solve my complicated family issues."
Vura shook her head. "On the contrary. My entire job is to help you, Rachel. That's what counselors do. So, please, let me help. You don't have to sort through any of this alone. Just remember, nothing that you tell me here, goes anywhere without your permission."
"Oh. Um..." Rachel stammered, unsure how to respond. Normally, people would just accept her polite rejection of their offer for help, but it seemed this time this person wasn't going to take no for an answer. Sitting there for a moment, she eventually found her voice again, "um...ok. what would you suggest?"
"That depends on what you want and how you feel, Rachel. I'm here to help you. So, we should sort those things out first. After all, if you do not want to contact your biological parents again, or not at this moment, we will work through that. If you do want to, then we will talk about that and work on making that connection. Ultimately, Rachel, you have to decide. I cannot do it for you."
Rachel became more and more conflicted. She didn't even know what she wanted right now. Did she want to reach out to a pair of strangers and let them into her life. She was just getting settled into this new life onboard the Pioneer and she wasn't sure if she wanted to add in another potential source of chaos right now.
On the other hand, she's always wanted to remember what her childhood was like on that boarder colony. Still having no positive memories from her younger years really made relating to others quite a challenge. Maybe getting closer to her biological parents would help with that, even if it was only in some small way.
Closing her eyes, Rachel took in as deep a breath as she could and held onto it, trying to calm herself down enough so she could think clearly and make the right choice for her. Letting it out after almost 30 seconds, Rachel opened her eyes with a new sense of determination, "OK, I've decided. I want to contact my parents."
Vura put her hands into her lap. "OK, then. That's what we shall do. Before we do it, however, we should talk about it and try to prepare you for this call. I am certain that it will be quite emotional for you and probably for them, as well. How do you feel now that you came to this decision?"
Rachel said the first thing that came to her mind, "frightened, anxious" she answered, giving Vura a shrug.
"Perfectly understandable, but can you tell me why?"
"I guess it's those 'negative possibilities' you mentioned. I just can't shake that pessimistic feeling that everything will go wrong." Rachel explained, folding her arms across herself and shrinking into the chair, "What if we don't get along? Could I live knowing that my parents are out there but want nothing to do with me?"
"I would like you to try rephrasing these things. Rather than looking at the negative by saying, 'What if we don't get along?' ask yourself, 'What if we do get along?' Instead of asking 'Could I leave knowing that my parents are out there, what if they want to have a relationship?' It sounds a lot better, doesn't it? Phrasing things positively also will help your mindset when you do actually talk to them. After all, I bet they have similar fears to yours, like, 'What if she's mad at us for not searching hard enough for her? What if she wants nothing to do with us? She didn't contact us after we made contact weeks ago?"
A flash of guilt crossed over Rachel's face, "I did hate them. I think I still feel that little bit of hate for them," she said, looking over at Vura. "How can I have people I don't remember? I know they lost me in the attack, and there wasn't any way for them to find me after. But, every time I think about them now that I know they're both alive, I feel this stab of pain right here," she said, motioning to her chest.
"And that's all perfectly natural, Rachel. I imagine that someone in your shoes could more easily accept the situation if you believed that both of your parents were dead. Then there was an easy explanation of why nobody looked for you, found you, or saved you. Right?"
Rachel nodded in response, looking even more guilty, “yea, that’s right” she said, before starting to break down again, “I’m a terrible daughter. What kind of child feels hate for their parents. I’ve hoped and wished for them to be alive out there somewhere, and now that I know for certain that they are, I feel hate for them?”
If Rachel were Deltan, Vura would have easily placed her hand on Rachel's shoulder to comfort her. However, she could not. Her touch could potentially drive the woman insane and the Oath remained intact. "You're not a terrible daughter, so please do not say that about yourself, Rachel," Vura replied in a calming tone.
"How am I not? I hated them." Rachel said as tears rolled down her face. It had never occurred to her how she felt until now, she normally didn't think about it, but now she was being forced to sit and think, Rachel was going through a torrent of emotions.
Vura's voice remained soothing, "Even in a normal situation, children can hate their parents. Gosh, if my mother had a gold pressed latinum for every time that I told her that I hated her, she would own the Ferengi." She chuckled lightly. "Trust me, Rachel."
Rachel looked up at Vura and gave her a glare with her bloodshot eyes, “That’s easy for you to say, you know who your parents are; you have memories with them. To me, they’re little more than strangers. People I’ve only seen on a viewscreen. Hell, I haven’t actually seen my mother at all.”
"Your presumption in this case is correct. I do know who my parents are, but there is much you don't know about me. Do not make the mistake, Rachel, of thinking that just because someone is not in your situation that they cannot understand or empathize. We all have our pains, our sorrows, our skeletons in the closet...."
She paused and leaned in towards Rachel, smiling sadly, "I know you're angry. I know you're scared. The unknown is always scary. It is safer to stay where you are comfortable. But no seed ever becomes a plant without growing. You just need water, soil, vitamins, and some sun. You have to be brave enough to break from your burial spot to see the light. If you don't, well, you will never know what you could have had and will always be left wondering."
Taking a few breaths, Rachel felt her anger subside enough to allow her to think clearly. Vura was right, she had become comfortable with her life, she was happy to stay where she was, and now with her biological parents suddenly showing up had shaken her world to its core. Now nothing seemed as certain as it did. Rachel's future was now so fuzzy to her.
Closing her eyes for a moment, Rachel took in a deep breath and held it before slowly releasing it. "This is all so confusing."
"I can imagine," Vura said sympathetically. "But I'm here and you do not have to shoulder this alone."
Letting the silence sit there for a moment, Rachel looked up at Vura, "So what do I do now? Do I simply call them up?"
"We could send them a message first? Set up a time? Give you some time to prepare yourself, if you want."
Rachel nodded, "That sounds like a good idea. I'll send them a message," she said, using a tissue to wipe away a few tears. "Should it be formal? Like To whom it may concern?"
"I don't think so," Vura answered, after considering the matter for a moment. "If you don't want to start stiffly with them, I would suggest being informal. Maybe even address them as mom and dad? If that's too much, then a simple, 'Hi, this is Rachel. I thought that we could set a time to talk. I'm available at these times....'"
“Yea, but that sounds a little unfeeling to me. I don’t want it to sound like an after-thought. God, how is it so hard to write a fracking letter?” Rachel said, putting her hands up to her head. Her mind felt like it was fighting a civil war, one side wanted to write the letter, the other was frozen in fear of rejection. Just then, it hit her, “Wait, maybe I’m over-thinking this, even a simple message is better than nothing. Maybe you’re right, a simple ‘hi mom and dad, I’d like to meet you,’ kind of thing.”
Vura just smiled at Rachel, knowing that ultimately whatever Rachel wanted to do, it had to be her choice. She had to sort through this herself. Vura had already given Rachel the tools she could to sort some of this out on her own.
Looking up at Vura, Rachel nodded, "Thank you, Vura. I guess I now have something to focus on."
"That you do. Just tell me if you need some help. Perhaps I should check on you in the near future? Just to make certain that you do not need any assistance?"
"That might be a good idea, but for now I think I'll send off a quick message, so they don't think I've forgotten about them and then focus on my duties. Are we finished or is there more you wish to ask about?"
"That's up to you, Rachel. I have time for whatever you want."
Standing up, Rachel gave Vura a polite bow, "Thank you Vura, you've given me a lot to think about."
A Joint Post By
Lieutenant Vura
Chief Counselor, USS Pioneer
Lieutenant Junior Grade Rachel Sinclair
Assistant Chief Security/Tactical Officer, USS Pioneer
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