Progress Report Part II
Posted on Wed Feb 26th, 2025 @ 4:49pm by Captain Edmund Merrick & Lieutenant Junior Grade Zhara Rynn & Sophia
Edited on on Fri Feb 28th, 2025 @ 5:40am
1,964 words; about a 10 minute read
Mission:
Episode 16 - Silent Cries
Location: Office of Zhara Rynn - Deck 5 - USS Pioneer
Timeline: MD003 2130 hrs
With his free hand, Merrick took another sip of his tea. 'I had thought to make a holoprogram to maybe help me deal with the nightmares, to hunt a monstrosity that I had seen and kill it, I don't know if that would be a good idea though. Would it?"
"It might. Different people need to deal with trauma in different ways. As long as it doesn't get too violent, it should be therapeutic. It also helps to talk it out." She paused. "It also helps to talk about why you feel guilty about having feelings for another woman. You're not betraying your wife, or your memories of her. She'd want you to move on with your life. That doesn't mean she won't always have a place in your heart and in who you are. It means there's room for both." She paused, hesitating before moving on to another question. "Aren't you also interested in the chief intelligence officer?"
"I am interested in Rowena, I made dinner for her earlier in the day." Edmund seemed a bit bashful when he mentioned this fact. "She seemed surprised when I stopped at her door to personally invite her out to dinner."
"Did you enjoy yourselves?" Zhara asked. It would be a good step forward if he had a positive experience with Rowena.
"I feel that we did. I know I did enjoy myself. I think she was concerned as to how or what I felt with what happened. Her being possessed. Her possession wasn't her fault, there have been some damage done with interacting with others, but I feel that it is something that can be moved forward from. It will take some time, and I don't want to rush things." Edmund drank a little bit more of his tea, as he contemplated on other things that have happened.
"No, it's generally not good to rush into a relationship. However, there are times when it works beautifully." Zhara took a sip of her own tea. "So, if it's not Rowena, what has you in such a state?"
That question made Edmund stiffen up, he gently set the tea cup upon the nearby table. Clenching his fist. "It is Lieutenant Vura. She is-difficult to be friends with. I find her condescending, toxic, she has a demeaning way about her. I don't think she realizes this, but she treats me like I have no idea how to be around women. Constantly touting that sort of idea. And I find it rather belittling. How often can someone stay in the presence of someone who consistently says ' oh you know nothing about women at all." he forced his hand to unclench.
"I know she is in pain from something in her past. I know she feels isolated , due to her oath. The oath was a choice she made. I had noticed that she was feeling down, she wasn't happy. I came up with what I thought would be a way to bring her spirits up, that crashed and burned."
His hand ceased stroking Sophia's fur, He didn't want to telegraph his frustrations and anger towards her. He rose from the chair and walked behind it gripping the back of it. lowering his head.
" I was wanting to share something from my past, a dance routine that my sister had choreographed, dancing with scarfs and not touching." he swallowed hard feeling his jaw tighten. "Lieutenant Vura asked if I knew of those sorts of dancing could have sexual meaning, he gripped the back of the chair, lowering his head. "I already knew that., I studied dance history. I just wanted to share, maybe to offer a solution as a friend. It’s not going to work though. I don't see how a friendship with Lieutenant Vura will be worked out."
Zhara nodded, taking a moment to sip her tea. "Deltans do tend to believe they are more advanced, and thus on a higher plane of existence. In some ways that is true as they have a greater focus and appreciation of sensory input." She waved a hand around the room. "What I do is nothing compared to that, but I am humanoid and my methods are adapted more to sensory input and how it impacts thought and emotion. Vura thrives on new experiences and new sensations. But she is lonely, too. I see her behavior as a cry for some level of intimacy." She shook her head. "But it is only an educated guess."
"She is lonely, I can tell you that. And.. afraid to make connections. That evening before I asked you and Ja'sol to come with me to Never Winter. I was angry, I needed to blow off some steam. I had suggested that she might want to come talk to you as you have helped me a lot. She rebuffed me on that. I brought up that she needed to pull on her big girl panties and reach out to others. To not close herself off. Yes I realize that I made things worse but, I couldn't stomach it anymore. And I also feel that her over the top sensuality is a bit much for me. It makes me want to keep my distance."
"I understand why you feel that way. Fear and need are powerful emotions. They can drive people to react in ways they would not normally. Does she know of your attraction to Commander McGowen?" Then she shook her head. "Never mind. You would have mention that you're seeing her. Have you told Vura that her behavior makes you uncomfortable?"
"I haven't spoken to her since that argument. I am trying to give her space until I can talk to her in a much calmer manner. It’s going to be a little bit though. I do know that I need to get a handle on this, I growled at one of my marines, Miranda Shultz, on the way here. I had gotten off the turbo lift on Deck Four, ran into her, and then barked at her for getting in my way. It’s a mess." Edmund gave out a frustrated sigh.
Zhara watched him for a moment. "Yes, you were in quite a mood when you came here. Tell me how you're feeling."
"I am beginning to feel much better, though there is the fact that I am really getting the feeling that Vura might have feelings for me that are stronger than friendship. That though sounds so, vain. And there is another person I am worried about, and that is Ensign Emiko of Intelligence. I had gotten into a discussion with her and a couple of others about D&D I told Emiko I would show her the ropes, sometime. She showed up in a rather-" he cleared his throat, "A rather form fitting suit like that of a Rogue for D&D. I was surprised to see her, and I made certain to keep eyes on her eyes. She was also trying to make certain I see her form and assets. I feel that this is becoming a problem ."
"Have you tried to gently tell them both you're interested in someone else and only want friendship?" Zhara asked softly.
"Vura knows how I feel about Rowena, I think it gives her pain to know that she can't do anything about a relationship between me and her. If she weren't Deltan, I don't think I would be wanting a relationship with her except for being a friend. I just don't have the draw to her. Emiko, how would I approach her as to letting her know that I don't have feelings for her, and I don't know about being friends with her. I don't want to destroy her, but I may have to be rather direct." Edmund ran his hands through his hair. Almost wanting to pull it out.
"There's a great distance between being direct and destroying someone. Keep a professional distance and if she crosses into impropriety, tell her that you're seeing someone else and not interested in another relationship. You can be both firm and kind." She paused, knowing Edmund couldn't bring himself to deliberately hurt Emiko's feelings, which is what brought him to this point. "I think your problem is being too kind. Vura knows she can't have a relationship with you other than friendship, but she may not realize that, in her loneliness, she's crossing a line you're not comfortable crossing. Emiko may simply need you to be polite but firm."
"I have been able to politely turn down a few ladies politely but firmly. For some reason, I am off kilter, or is it due to my contact with Vura, and things opening up to where I am more open to having a relationship with someone? I am unused to being open with acknowledging a friendship, with anyone. I will admit I am wary, worried, well hard to admit a bit frightened with allowing myself to feel." a pause, "Did I actually mention that the last we met?"
"I don't know if you mentioned it specifically, but I was aware of your fear of opening up again. You're afraid of letting someone in and then getting hurt. It's natural to feel that way after losing someone you love. But your heart is healing. Whether it's Vura, Rowena, or just time, you are healing. The woman you met is a clear indication of that." She couldn't help smiling at the idea of Edmund actually kissing a stranger. "What's important is that you don't shut yourself off from these feelings. Make friends. Fall in love. Experience life. You will get hurt, but we all do. It's inevitable, but we do survive."
She took another sip of her tea and put the cup down. "My suggestion to you is to decide what you want. Do you want a friendship with Vura? Then tell her and set clear boundaries. I'm not sure if she's ever had a male friend who was just a friend before. If she hasn't, maybe this is an opportunity for you to help her learn more about humanoid relationships. She and I get along, but we're colleagues. We're both sensualists, but in very different ways, so we tend to talk shop. From what I've seen, she has few real friends. But that doesn't mean you should cross boundaries--or let her cross them." She paused. "Does that make any sense to you?"
"Yes it does make sense." Edmund squared his shoulders, "Thank you Zhara, this has helped. And you are definitely my guide to show me the way to get my head straight. I don't want to fail Tyler nor Neil, or the rest of the ship."
"You won't," Zhara assured him. "You care too much about the people you work with. Just remember that." She stood. "I'm always here if you need to talk--and not just during gamma shift. Call me any time."
"Thank you, I do appreciate all that you do." A final caress to Sophia, a lightening of Edmund's mood. He hoped he didn't put a drain upon Zhara. He felt that at times he could be just too intense.
A Joint Post By
Lieutenant Junior Grade Zhara Rynn
Counselor, USS Pioneer
Sofia
Therapy Dog, USS Pioneer
Captain Edmund Merrick
Company Commanding Officer, The Cure
USS Pioneer
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